Serve Your Spouse

Before I truly understood what it meant to serve Sheri, I would perform acts of kindness expecting something in return. For example, if I washed Sheri’s car, I expected her to bake me chocolate chip cookies.
Or if I went grocery shopping, I counted on a romantic encounter later that night. Even though my expectations were left unstated, there was an underlying hope that Sheri would reciprocate. Authentic servanthood means, without expecting something in return, persistently watching for ways you can love, assist, facilitate, support, praise, appreciate, protect and please your spouse —and then taking action. That’s not always easy. Serving opportunities may come at inconvenient times and usually when you’re not in serving-mode. You need to be in a my-spouse-is-number-one mindset. Remember, your spouse comes first; you come second.

Sometimes serving means tangible gifts or actions, but most often serving is characterized by simple words or acts of love. Loving your spouse with a servant’s heart is a key principle in setting the stage for romance. Serving tangibly expresses your love to each other and makes your marriage stronger.

Intentional Spontaneity

Engaged couples often express concern about losing that spark of spontaneity in their relationship. I can relate. The longer I’m married, the more difficult it is to be spontaneous. The days are short and life is complicated with little time for creative bursts of romance. So what can you do? Words like plan, schedule and appointment don’t sound very impulsive, but updating your vocabulary is what it takes to inject ‘spontaneous’ romance into your marriage.

My Palm Pilot is full of reminder alarms for anniversaries, birthdays, weekend getaways, flower orders, dinner dates and surprise vacations.
If you’re like me, it’s easy to forget these opportunities as time slips by.
If you have a romantic thought during the day, take action! Pick up the phone and make the dinner reservation; stop by the Hallmark and pickup the card; call your wife and tell her “I love you.” I’m on a first name basis with my florist. All I need to do is pick up the phone and put the order on my account —it doesn’t get easier than that.

Your romantic adventures can be exotic or simple. Romantic getaways, dates and gifts don’t need to be pricey. Be creative! Chocolates, bath oil, candles and silk boxers are all inexpensive and work wonders!
Sometimes you need to be strategic. Sheri still talks about the surprise limo that picked her up at work, and whisked her off to a day at the spa and a romantic overnight at a four star hotel —with her sexy husband, of course. That experience required lots of up-front preparation, but was well worth it.

Take initiative in planning that surprise afternoon, sending the kids to grandmas for the weekend or creating that romantic environment in the bedroom. At a minimum, you should set aside a weekly date night —you need that regular time to unwind and refocus on each other. That should be a priority. As un-spontaneous as this sounds, sustained romance in marriage doesn’t just happen —it takes intentionality, sensitivity and action.

Copyright © 2001 Jim Mueller and GrowthTrac. All rights reserved. Used with permission.